During the early weeks of the pandemic and subsequent isolation, I asked a leader how her team was holding up. She asked what I meant. I said, with all the uncertainty everyone is dealing with right now, how is your team doing? She seemed perplexed by the question. I said the uncertainty and stress can be really upsetting and distracting and I am wondering how that is affecting your team. Unknown to her, her empathy might have not been showing at that moment. If this could be you, there is an opportunity to up your empathy skills.
Why is empathetic communication important, especially now? When they are stressed, people are less focused, more distracted and often feel misunderstood. Effective change leadership addresses these feelings and shows empathy for what team members are experiencing. Leaders who ignore the people side of change or don’t know how to communicate their empathy are at a disadvantage. If you even suspect that empathetic communication isn’t your strongest suit, rest assured that you can build the habits and skills to master this important soft skill, and during this time of rapid change and uncertainty, you will have plenty of opportunities to practice.
What to do to increase your empathic communication now:
Take time for check-ins. It is good practice to ask everyone to take a moment to check in during each meeting. Depending on the size and duration of the meeting, it might be a few words, or it might be allocating a significant portion of the meeting to touching base. Of course, you may let anyone who wants to “pass,” to do so. But take note; they may be fine and don’t feel the need to report, or they may be too stressed or uncomfortable to talk about it. So take the initiative to check in with them after the meeting and see if there is something you need to be aware of, some support they may need.
For a really quick check-in, have people check in with 1-3 words, or a tweet-length check in vs. a novel. Model the short check-in yourself. And with a large or talkative group, open the chat and ask them to check in as they enter the meeting. Even in a meeting with thousands of people attending, this little human connection goes a long way.
Step up your use of empathetic and inclusive language. A warm welcome and greeting. Sincere words of appreciation. Use words like “we” instead of “you” or “they.” Action verbs like congratulate, welcome, or agree can take the place of hands-off tone, and simple direct language can take the place of business jargon.
Inject social time into your meetings. Some teams have themes like “show your pet” or “wear a silly hat” or “create a fun virtual background.” One group I am part of had a “pandemic hair” theme, something most of us can relate to. For this to work, you need to be comfortable with a little silliness. You need to know and be sensitive to your team. One large team I know of has a happy hour at the end of each meeting, something they had been doing in person before the pandemic, so it was a natural fit for that group. If you have someone on the team who is better than you at initiating social events, you might ask them to take on this role.
Listen empathetically. This means being present even when it is uncomfortable. Putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes. It might be sitting with uncomfortable or even painful feelings. Sharing a reaction. Empathetic listening does NOT mean responding with advice, platitudes, or “topping” their stories with your own. It could be admitting that you don’t know what to say, or simply giving the gift of hearing the other person completely.
Always keep in mind that you are speaking with human beings that have feelings, fears and frustrations, and that ignoring them isn’t the best option if you want to be an effective leader. During these times you can build your empathy muscles and become an even more effective communicator.